Actually this is more what my life looks like on the inside:
Ready, set, set, set… Ready, set, set, set… Ready… maybe some day.
I used to think that this habit of mine, this tendency to want to “be fully ready” before I try anything new or take risks is something I struggle with because of my upbringing or fear of failure or lack of resources. It could be a combination of those things and more but when I discovered the enneagram (any-a-gram), it really shed light into my inner workings and helped me to see what lies below the surface of those patterns and to find a way out. It was like looking at a mirror and seeing my insides, my heart and soul, reflected back to me.
The enneagram is more than a personality typing but an ancient system developed by Egyptian Desert Fathers and refined by monks over centuries and brought over to the west by Jesuit priests. As they gave spiritual counsel to countless seekers who came out to confess their struggles and sins, these spiritual guides saw patterns emerge that correlated with the seven deadly sins in Scripture and categorized man into 9 types. It is becoming an increasingly popular tool today used by therapists, spiritual directors, life coaches, and many others who enjoy trying to understand why people are the way they are. There is a ton of information on line and more and more books are being written about them. You can take free tests to start discovering what type you are. There is even an app for it with neat visuals for each type.
So, I am a 5, also known as “the observer” or “the investigator”:
Fives like to gather information and so I enjoy books and living in the mental realm. I don’t trust feelings as much and live with this gut level sense that there “just isn’t enough” and so my tendency is to analyze too much before taking action. Here is how one website put it that resonated deeply with me:
Behind Fives’ relentless pursuit of knowledge are deep insecurities about their ability to function successfully in the world. Fives feel that they do not have an ability to do things as well as others. But rather than engage directly with activities that might bolster their confidence, Fives “take a step back” into their minds where they feel more capable. Their belief is that from the safety of their minds they will eventually figure out how to do things—and one day rejoin the world.
Since I attended a workshop lead by Jan Johnson on the enneagram a couple of years ago, I have also shared my excitement and joy many times over with family members, friends, co-workers, church members and even strangers. I’ve done mini workshops for my women’s groups and even used it as a way to mediate some conflicts among friends. It is a tool that has been so practical and effective not only in helping us understand ourselves but also giving us insights into others, deepening compassion and diffusing misunderstandings.
One very practical insight for this 5 has been that “knowledge without action is only partial knowledge” and so I am learning to take more action in my life. I am learning to share my passion and the knowledge I’ve gained so far from reading many books and attending seminars in spiritual formation, soul care, and spiritual direction and sharing them more and putting them into action. I am about to launch another soulcare group and I am planning to blog more on such topics. I am putting myself out there so that I can learn more from experience and not just from books. I am learning to tell myself, “I am sure someone could say things better but here’s goes anyway.”
Ready, Go!
And because I will never really be fully ready and there will always be more to learn and besides, I can always edit.
If you are intrigued by what you have heard about the enneagram and would like to learn more, our church is hosting a fun one day workshop lead by Unhurried Living where you will get to learn all about it. There are a lot of complex aspects of the enneagram starting with the diagram with subtypes and wings and arrows that can be better explained in person. You can sign up here:
Inclining the Heart 